If a woman displays these 7 subtle behaviors, she secretly needs more attention from her partner (2024)

People will tell you that most couples calm down as time goes on, slowly but surely emerge out of the honeymoon period, and settle into a comfortable rhythm.

And to a certain extent, this is true.

While falling in love is like getting addicted to a drug, being in a long-term relationship is all about getting used to that high – so much so that your body returns to its neutral state of calm, your nervous system no longer shaken.

Unfortunately, though, many people who talk about the honeymoon period ending use it as an excuse to rationalize the unsatisfactory state of their relationships.

Oftentimes, it’s not a matter of physiology; it’s just that one or both partners have stopped putting in effort.

And that can have disastrous consequences.

So, if a woman displays these 7 subtle behaviors, she secretly needs more attention from her partner.

1) She acts a bit “clingy”

There’s clingy and then there’s clingy.

Let me explain.

If a woman suffers from an anxious attachment style and doesn’t know how to cope with it, she may act “needy” no matter how much reassurance or attention her partner gives her.

Terrified of abandonment, she clings on in the hopes that her partner will never leave.

But then there’s also the possibility that she acts “clingy” simply because she can feel her partner pulling away, which triggers her attachment system and makes her want to pull him back.

And what do I mean by attachment system?

Well, humans are programmed to exist in groups or pairs. It’s what helps us survive.

When you fall in love with someone, you slowly begin to form an attachment bond on both an emotional and physiological level.

The moment you can feel them pulling away, though…

That’s when your attachment system goes into overdrive, signaling danger. It’s a completely normal reaction.

It’s important to distinguish between someone who’s clingy to begin with (because of unresolved past issues, for example) and someone who acts needy as a response to their partner’s lack of attention.

2) She puts in extra effort to compensate for her partner’s lack of affection

Another subconscious strategy a woman who secretly needs more attention from her significant other may employ is that of overcompensation.

If her partner isn’t really trying to connect with her, maybe they just need a bit of encouragement.

Maybe she can fix X and Y and Z, and once that’s done, her partner will see just how amazing and worthy of love she is.

Maybe she can carry the whole relationship on her shoulders. She’s strong enough, isn’t she?

Well, as strong as she may be, it takes two to tango. And a relationship can’t survive if only one party puts in effort.

I’ve been there, too. It’s taken me quite a long time to realize that no matter how hard I tried, it was up to my ex-partner to pull their weight as well.

And when they didn’t, I knew it was time for me to go.

Remember: you shouldn’t have to feel like you’re the only one who tries. Your energy, effort, and love ought to be reciprocated.

3) She makes subtle hints and remarks to show her need for connection

When her attempts to move the relationship forward don’t work, she may resort to something slightly more direct: hints.

For example, she may point out just how romantic it is that the main character of the TV show you’re watching took his girlfriend out for a picnic.

Or she might talk about the holiday her friend’s on with her partner and ask when the two of you will head somewhere.

Or she may walk into a shop and show you all the books or dresses she likes in the hopes that you’ll remember to buy them for her as a birthday gift.

Whatever it is, she’ll try her best to point you in the right direction. And it’s up to you to notice it.

4) She may get a bit passive-aggressive

If a woman struggles to communicate her concerns or if she’s getting very fed up with her partner’s lack of attention, there’s a chance she might get a bit… passive-aggressive.

From giving you the silent treatment to making passive-aggressive jokes, slamming the kitchen cupboards, or rolling her eyes at something you’ve said, it’s safe to say she’s had enough.

This is when you’re getting into dangerous territory because a woman who doesn’t care about being kind anymore is a woman who’s nearing the precipice of her patience.

The moment she decides to jump…

Well, let’s just say you better save the relationship while you still can.

There is only so much she can take, after all.

5) She pulls away in an attempt to win her partner’s attention back

Guilty as charged.

As someone who used to suffer from quite a bad case of an anxious attachment style, I used to think that pulling away from my partners would make them realize just how much they missed me and would therefore force them to try to win me back.

What’s more, if my desire for attention was unmet for a long period of time, my sudden withdrawal of affection was meant as a bit of a punishment for the other party.

Or at least that’s how I thought about it. More often than not, though, the person who ended up feeling punished and upset was myself.

A woman who pulls away just to “punish” her partner ends up feeling even worse than before because she not only realizes that her partner might not be affected by her actions.

As much as she anticipated but also because her emotional withdrawal is at complete odds with what she wants to do, leading to cognitive dissonance.

(Not to mention that terrible gut-wrenching feeling. Ugh.)

So, lesson number five: if a woman suddenly pulls away after having tried to get your attention for quite some time, it means she is either trying to punish you or that she’s completely given up.

Honestly, it could be either of those two.

6) She loses a sense of respect for her significant other

This is where things get well and truly bad.

Here’s the deal. If a woman feels that her love and effort are not being appreciated by her partner and if she constantly has to beg for attention, she will eventually grow resentful, bitter, and angry.

And once those feelings pile up, she will be drowning in so much bitterness that she won’t really respect you anymore.

Anything you do makes her want to roll her eyes. Anything you say is dismissed with a wave of her hand. She snaps at you and flips out at the tiniest inconvenience.

In short, she’s had enough. Where kindness was once her modus operandi, she is now easily irritated, snappy, sarcastic, and quite unpleasant to be around.

Of course, I’m not trying to excuse her behavior here – this is in no way an emotionally mature way to behave.

But the fact remains that this is what many women eventually resort to if they feel unappreciated, invisible, and unloved.

7) She directly asks her partner to give her more attention

This one is, of course, the best course of action.

Ideally, the woman in question shouldn’t have to ask – you should want to spend time with her of your own volition – but if more attention is what she needs, she should be able to ask you in a respectful and direct manner.

Here are a few examples:

• “Hey, I’ve been feeling quite disconnected lately. Do you think we could work on that together?”
• “I feel that I didn’t really get enough attention in scenario X. What was your thought process in that situation? Can we talk about it?”
• “My love language is quality time, so spending time together is very important to me. I know you were probably just tired, but do you think you could try to be more attentive the next time I’m telling you about my day?”

These are some direct, assertive, and respectful ways to ask for more attention. It’s all about the tone you set and the way you approach the problem.

However, there is only so much she can do. If she brings up the same issue over and over again, it means her partner isn’t really trying to change things for the better, at least not in the long run.

And if she decides this is a deal-breaker for her…

It’s very valid. A relationship should be based on friendship, and attention is what every friendship requires in order to thrive.

Don’t stay with someone out of convenience. Be with them because you genuinely enjoy spending time together. Choose them every day.

And pay attention.